Church Chat

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Why Can't I Fix It??

Sometimes I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all the problems of this world go away. First off, I went in to work at 8 am to fix the monitor set up for the praise and worship band so that everyone could hear each other more clearly. Well, it started out fine, and then it went downhill during practice. I don’t know what went wrong first, but from that point on, I couldn’t get the reins back. I cried in the bathroom at the church for most of my Pastor’s message. I couldn’t control myself, so I had to leave the sanctuary. I wasn’t finding it to be a place of rest and serenity at all, so I walked out. I didn’t leave permanently, just temporarily to wipe away the tears and cool off my reddened face and bloodshot eyes. I was so overwhelmed today and I couldn’t help myself. I had a huge burden on my heart and the only thing that was going to help at that particular time was to cry. So, after the music team and I finished our set and sat down, I walked down the side isle and went into the ladies room for sanctuary. When I got there, Leslie, my French horn player, was already in there, so I grabbed a tissue and headed into a stall. Well, she waited for me to come out to see what was wrong. At first, I didn’t know what to tell her, but then I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I told her how frustrated I was with myself for not being able to fix things right away, for causing a miscommunication this morning, for feeling like a terrible leader, and I know she saw how alone I was feeling at that moment. She really came through, or should I say, God really came through her. She hugged me and told me some things I didn’t even know she thought about me and about this whole church. There are so many positive things that are about to happen here, and she can sense it just as I can. She also made me feel better about my leadership, and she apologized for not holding me up as her leader the way she should. That blew me out of the water. I didn’t know she felt that way at all. I didn’t know any one felt that way about me. That’s probably not good, but ministry is really tough sometimes. Like I said before, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better, but that’s not the way ministry, nor the way God works. We have to sort through these problems and ALWAYS give them over to Him. If we try to handle them ourselves or listen to Satan when trying to be perfect, we end up in the ladies (or men’s) room during the sermon (which happened to be on revival…yeah, go figure!). Also today, I felt this huge burden come over me during the praise and worship set while singing for someone in the congregation. I don’t know who or what’s going on, but they really need to turn some major things over to the Lord now! I couldn’t help but cry when I stopped singing to say what was being placed on my heart. That’s what really started the crying fest in the bathroom, but it was the last straw. One more thing to cap off the night, a good friend of mine is burdened with what seems to be huge weights on her heart. I’m worried about her, and again, I wish I could have that stinkin’ wand to wave over her and heal the whole situation, but I have to turn her over to God and trust that He knows specifically how to handle the situation. I trust He will, and I know He keeps His promises. God is so good, little sis, and I know He has your heart safely in His hands. Remember that, and trust. He won’t ever forsake you in this! Any who, that is how this day started and ended. I’m very tired and I really need a shoulder massage. Anyone available??? Help??? LOL. May God bless you continually through all your trials, errors, successes, and of course blessings!


At 11:07 PM, Blogger April said...

aw girl! i wish i could be there for you. id give ya a shoulder could cry, i would feel awkward - then id cry, then it would be great...then we could wipe the snot off our faces with money...yesss!!! i just love those long distance commercials :-)


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