Church Chat

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Nothing More Than Feelings

I don't really feel much like myself tonight. I don't know what my problem is, but I feel pretty terrible actually. Ministry is lonely, and usually this time of year helps with that pain, but it seems that I'm still harboring a burden somewhere deep within me. I don't like it, but I just feel like crying. I feel very tired and I don't really know how to explain myself. I know everyone hits a dark patch in their life from time to time, so I know this will go away, but I was hoping to be happy since I'm at home right now. I'm not happy. In fact, I'm quite depressed. I've had a rough year and I know that most have, so there's no use in me complaining about it, is there? Nope, not really. I don't want to complain any way. I guess I just need to put it out there that I wish that I could be happy and positive all the time, but I'm not. I still have a lot of trouble with the nasty side of ministry; the back stabbing, the name calling, the picking at every little thing a person does...I thought this was church. I thought this was the place that everyone was supposed to love you and care for you no matter what. Why do I feel like I'm back in high school when dealing with adults? It's crazy!!!! I wish I understood, but maybe it's better that I don't. I guess that I really only needed to vent a little. I feel a little better. Maybe I'll sleep now...


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